Nights alone

by

Teddy Wayne Smith

"Don't cry, everything is going to be okay," I said to my brother.

Night after night, I repeated these words, trying to keep him calm. With

being in a wheelchair at about seven years old, Shriners Hospital for

Crippled Children made an offer to my parents stating that they could have

my brother and me doing everything on our own, this included having us

walking. That was something I believed greatly impossible. I always

wondered who they thought they were. It was an offer that my parents could

not pass up. Maybe it was true and if they had said no, they would have

rejected a miracle. Of course they said yes, that they would let Shriners

do everything they could. I knew how hard it must have been for my parents

to make that decision. The deal was that if my parents would leave us, my

brother and me, alone for two weeks that they would do everything they

promised. Just two weeks, God did plenty in six days; maybe they can do

this one thing in two weeks.

So my brother and I, not knowing what was going on, left home

with Mom and Dad heading for Lexington, Kentucky. With all the long roads,

it seemed as though we were going on vacation, but Mom and Dad didn't say

much during the ride. Something was wrong, but what? When we arrived at

the hospital I thought, why are we here?

Inside the hospital ward my mom and I began to play Connect

Four. All of a sudden Mom said, "I'll be back," that made it easy. Not

knowing where she was going worried me. Then, she kissed me; I didn't know

that it was a kiss goodbye. Inside the ward were windows looking out into

the hallway. They tried to close the window blinds, but when they were not

looking, I took a peek. I saw Mom crying in Dad's arms. What was going on?

Then, watching them walk away, not knowing whether they would return made me

worry as if I would never see them again or feel moms arms around me,

holding me while I cried. Would she ever hold me again? I questioned

myself many times about when they would return.

"Are they leaving us?"

"Why?"

"Why don't they want us?"

I thought they had left us forever. Later, I asked a nurse

where and why did they go. She told me and then I knew that they would be

back very soon. I knew that they had to do it. If I were in their place, I

would do the same.

I had never seen this side of the hospital before. When I had

check-ups I just seen a small part of the hospital, it was very dark. The

rooms seemed as though they had no lights, and it was very cold. Just being

in the room gave me chills.

Since my brother was younger, I had to be strong for him. The

days were not so bad, but during the night it was the worst. We stayed in

the hospital ward, which meant that there were other patients in the room,

not just us. They would not even allow my brother and me to sleep together.

In a strange place I at least wanted something to hold on to. It was hard

for me, but worse for him. Hearing him cry, screaming as though someone was

trying to kill him. So that he would not wake up the others, they finally

put him in the bed with me. The warmth of his body felt as though it heated

the whole hospital. Looking deep into his tear stained eyes made me want to

cry myself. Now we were both crying. The next place to go was in the

hallway, which was where we slept. The cold breeze in the hallway was much

worse then in the room. The long, dark, empty hallway made me more scared

and alone. My own blanket, the softness of my own bed, the feeling of love

from my family all around me was just a few things that I missed and was

longing for. Home, such a little word but yet so far away. After getting

my brother to sleep, I thought it was all a dream and maybe if I would go to

sleep, it would be over in the morning.

In the morning we expected to see Mom and Dad, but they were not

there. I had thought last night was just a dream, but it wasn't. I had to

feed myself along with feeding my brother. Another patient said, "You

shouldn't feed him. He should do it himself," so I had to think of a way to

get him to feed himself. When he asked for a piece of bacon, I would take

it out of his plate and eat it myself. Being in the hospital alone was hard

enough for my brother; he wasn't going to let anyone steal his bacon. From

then on he feed himself.

The doctor saw us only once. He was a young man in a long white

coat. I came in his office feeling very scared. I always kept my feet down

behind the footrest on my wheelchair. He got so mad, I could just see his

face turn a bright red, the shade of red you see when you look deep into a

fire. He went straight to his desk and came back with a rope and tied my

feet down, my feet hurt. I wasn't used to having them up for what it seemed

enormous amounts of time. I would not cry because my brother might see me.

Maybe it was for my own good. I could have broken my feet.

At certain times we were not allowed out into other sections of

the hospital, we had certain places that we could go. The hospital had

different hallways with other patients in them. We were not allowed to go

into their hallway and they were not allowed into ours. We gathered at the

corner of the hallway. When the nurse wasn't looking, we charged the kids

on the other side. Food began to fly every which way. We had snuck into

the kitchen and gathered food as though we were true robbers. It was a war.

What we threw across seemed to come back at us. Hearing the noise made from

our battle the nurses rushed to our battle station. At that moment the war

was over, they were really mad. Then we had to stay away from each other

for the rest of the day. I felt locked in, as if I were in prison. We were

allowed to go out of the room, but I didn't want to. I didn't have anything

to look forward to. My parents were gone and I had no one else to rely on.

My brother had to rely on me, so who did I have?

When the nurses let us out, to go into the game room, no one

really cared, but we soon forgot everything. The game room was so much fun.

Everyone was laughing and playing together, even the kids we battled

earlier. Although I had to just watch because I had no money to play the

games, it was still fun. The game instructor felt sorry for my brother and

me so she showed us how to get the money out of the pinball game to put it

back in to play. At times it was fun, but I wanted to hear Mom's voice once

more.

I tried to use the phone. I went to a little desk at the end of

the hallway. I asked, "Excuse me, can I use the phone to call my parents?"

"I'm sorry," the nurse said. She seemed friendly but in a

hurry, like she wanted me to leave, "You have to get permission from the

front desk."

That big desk at the front of the hospital, it looked scary

going up to it. After I asked, they looked something up and said, "Your

parents don't want you to call home." They should have just stabbed me in

the back. Nothing could have hurt me more. Then I didn't care so I cried.

I went back to the ward. No one was there so I sat in the dark, thinking.

I finally figured out that it would be hard for Mom and Dad if we were to

call home, so they had told the nurse not to let us. They would not have

been able to stand it if we called home crying. Mom and Dad had to be

strong for each other. My whole family was suffering. It was hard for

everyone.

The next day in the gym, it had been a week; some karate

performers were putting on a show. During the show a male nurse came and

told me that I had a phone call. Oh, I thought that I was going to hear

Mom's voice. I left my brother there and hurried to the phone. "Mom..." I

screamed as I picked up the phone. Expecting to hear her answer, but it

wasn't her. It was Papaw. I had to get out of there and this was the only

way. "Papaw, I want out of here. They haven't been giving us any food."

That did it, just those few words is all it took. I knew after that I would

be out soon, but how soon?

Papaw called Dad and told him what I had said. Then Mamaw came

over to our house and they all talked. Dad said, "If I had the money I

would go get them right now."

It didn't take long for Mamaw to answer, "Okay..."

I prayed before I went to bed that night, "Dear God, if you

think it is the right thing to do then please let us go home..." Then,

falling asleep, I was soon seeing Mom in what I thought was a dream. It was

true and I was very glad. For once I felt safe since a week ago. I knew

everything was over. This one-week was as hard as though I were away for

ten years. Home, many miles away, but with Mom carrying me to the car, I

knew home would just be a step away. Thank you, God! The last thing I

remember was seeing my Sisters face and falling asleep in Mama's arms.

Now as a young adult, I never think about what might have been.

If I would have finished my two-week term at the hospital, the thought of

walking never passed my mind. Even to this day, it is still greatly

impossible and left to be a miracle.

When I visit the new hospital, I wonder about all the other

patients. Are they going through what I did? Do they feel the way I did

when I was there? Just a few years ago I was admitted to the same hospital

to have a small surgery. When Mom left to get something to eat, all of the

memories from when I was seven returned. I called home, which was many

miles away, to make sure Mom didn't come home and leave me there. Within an

hour Mom returned and I was relieved. Of course Mom came back, unlike my

roommate, whose parents didn't return. From what I can see, with my short

visits every year, it is very different, a much happier place, a home for

many others.

This is my true story, my name is Teddy Wayne Smith. Age: 20, from

Pikeville Kentucky. Please if you have any questions email me,

Thanks,

Teddy